Today....

So anyways... today has been really frustrating. I mean ever have one of those days where you feel like there is a war raging on inside of you and you can't get rid of it, but it stays there and bugs you the rest of the day. Like you have no idea whats causing it but at the same time wish it would go away, like a burning restlessness? Yeah thats how I feel today. However instead of not knowing what it is I have exactly the answer for myself: Boys. Stupid self centered boys...or at least it seems that way. All I know is they dont care, or they just never get on the computer but anyways I dont feel like they do. So ive been talking to Gregory lately, and I decided to get off my high horse and be friends but...it seems that its one sided. Like he's majorly not wanting to talk to me. Or it could be he hasnt had time but...yeah its probably that..man I need to stop being such a butt.lol. I think Pam got home yesterday so I didnt want to inturupt their plans of having family time, because I know when my dad gets back im not hanging out with anyone. I mean come on he's been gone like 5 1/2 weeks I think I'm gonna miss him, you know? lol. Anyways, im also kinda aggitated at Shadow, and for some reason him being mad at me bugs me more than Grego not talking to me. How screwed up is that? Anyways I just keep thinking about him and Chels and how she probably lost her chance and he's completely fine, which just pisses me off more. What do those boys eat/drink??! I mean im still not over Grego, and I DUMPED HIM! And they're all like "what's your problem man??" I just wanna say, "My problem is you guys dont seem to have mourning periods...you just like get over any problems at the speed of light!" Seriously, like you would think that if me and chels meant something they would have at least held on to some sort of memory, then again i broke up with Grego like last november...and chels dumped Shadow like in September...but I mean come on! Dont girls deserve second chances?? Well...in our case maybe not, I mean we both were complete female dogs..when it came to them so I wouldnt blame them for moving on but...still why should i still have to be in this depressing hole while he goes out to dance's with "Friends" and I stay home and watch Friends on tv. lol. GAAHH!!! I just hope the next time I see both of them they dont hate me and that my feelings don't come rushing back. That would really suck, you know seeing as ive tried to hide them deep in my heart for so long. I do that because, I mean if I went to him now he totally wouldnt uderstand, and then he would hate me, or maybe not because they dont hate, but you know really not like me. And of course he wouldnt understand why I did what I did...and to be honest I really cant remember either, all I know is i was mad and I felt like I couldnt be me but then again I just felt that way in general. I mean I still do, so maybe I shouldnt of jumped the gun. I dunno. Oh well guess I'll never know, i'll just live life with that on my conscience.
Well that's all for now, i know its really long i just had a lot to say. Hope everyone has a awesome spring break!
luvs!
~Mandi