October...

wow I am such a liar...hmm...that last entry..yeah I'm not happy...that its over that is. Well acctually I really dont know what I am...you see I went on facebook this weekend and I saw this picture of him and his new girlfriend.
And yes I know... From his friend and his cousin.
So basically she can be really pretty when she wants to be..you know if you like that perfect height, blonde hair, skinny look. Apparently he does...gahh I feel like the biggest idoit in the whole world!!..because they were probably together the whole week of camp and I made a COMPLETE fool of myself...because everyone was like "he still loves you." yeah those people couldnt be more wrong. He was so over me he had to tell me the FIRST NIGHT OF CAMP that he didnt want to give me any "false hopes." Well too late bub.
And then the last time we takled on the phone he was like "You were the one you wanted to get back together again" in this really desperate voice that made me feel vunerable and violated and really pissed off at the same time. And now he probably thinks it doesnt matter. I know it really shouldnt. I broke up with him..but..and now this is what kills me...if we had still been together...would he have broken up with me for her? Just because I'm so outspoken and she isnt? I mean really other than the phyisical difference thats all I came up with..I am more independant and she's well..kinda shy goes with the flow..which is fine. I know she's a great girl and I know she's so lucky...I guess what I miss the most is him being my rock. Always being there whenever I needed someone to vent to or cry to...now all I have is God...which is a very good thing. But do you ever get that feeling that God's just like "Ive heard this over and over...get on with it already?" I feel like everyone feels that way which is probalby why im writing here now.
And Chels well...all she can talk about is Shadow(well not only him) which is great and I know she needs to...it just makes me think of his brother and then im back to square one. GAHH!
I really do hope things get better with them though, I feel like they could acctually have a real good chance at happiness, unlike me. I mean yeah they've both changed but its been for the better you know?And they're both sorry for what happend and I KNOW they both still have feelings for eachother because I have eyes. And I saw them the whole week of camp...him mostly checking her out and then acting like he didnt care and her doing the same thing...*sigh* and im not the only one either...I could name like 5 girls who saw it too. Wow I sound like a 6th grader...lol.
Ok well thats all I have to say about everything hope everyone is doing great and that the Lord blesses you in all you do.
~Mandi