wow. This weekend was amazing. Me and Chels went to KC and saw Ashliegh-who isnt doing very well at the moment but she'll pull through with God. Anyways and we went to Jamie Varriano's B-Day party. Everyone was so surprised...because well Gregory knew chels was comming but not me and Shadow hadnt a clue so everything was great! (He saw chels and to hug her...threw his newly opened can of soda on the ground with a hiss...)And he even took chels on a motorcycle ride...they even kept me up late talking last night...i'm so tired. But chels is like glowing. haha
Anyways this whole Gregory thing is really starting to bug me...I mean I was talking to Livi yesterday (we went and got chinese). And so we're sitting in the resturant and she was like "you confuse me..you say you're better off and then your like depressed because he's not with you." And then we started talking about what happend which in my defense should have been done like 10 months ago... And I realized the only reason I broke up with him was because I was scared. I got to York with him and I just saw us there everyday and the major commitment...and I just...freaked out. And I thought well...we're probably gonna break up anyways because we keep fighting and I need him to be a man...so I'll just set him free and he'll come back...eventually. With all his life on him and experiences.and I guess I also felt I had to get out before he pulled the plug on me...which now I realize he would have never done. *sigh*
Oh well..it so doesnt matter anymore...he has Jamie and I'm here...alone without him.
Man...
Anyways I wanted to post a song that they sang at Jamie's party...Shadow sang it and did an amazing job I must say.
so here it is:
Softer to Me- Relient K
Where am I? Where are you?
There's so much time so little to do.
Were busy doing nothing cause its vanity we prize.
You can't see nothing cause you can't through your eyes.
There covered with a film, you'r blinded by yourself.
You're the one to blamebut you pretend it's someone else.
Chours:
Life could you be a little softer to me.
Life could you be more gentle to me.
Softer softersofter softer to me
I'm still alive. that much is true.
Never lied ,well, guess i've told a few.
There's nothing to see because i brought nothing to show.
The conversation got to deep, i shrug and tell you i don't know.
This life can get so hard,
this world can be so cruel, sometimes
I fall apart i feel just like a usless tool.
yeah.
Chours:
Life could you be a little softer to me.
Life could you be more gentel to me.
Yeah I know this is a selfish plea, because
Christ sacrificed his flesh on the cross for me.
But this world is hard, it's cruel and
I wish it could be ...softer softer softer softer to me.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
October...
wow I am such a liar...hmm...that last entry..yeah I'm not happy...that its over that is. Well acctually I really dont know what I am...you see I went on facebook this weekend and I saw this picture of him and his new girlfriend.
And yes I know... From his friend and his cousin.
So basically she can be really pretty when she wants to be..you know if you like that perfect height, blonde hair, skinny look. Apparently he does...gahh I feel like the biggest idoit in the whole world!!..because they were probably together the whole week of camp and I made a COMPLETE fool of myself...because everyone was like "he still loves you." yeah those people couldnt be more wrong. He was so over me he had to tell me the FIRST NIGHT OF CAMP that he didnt want to give me any "false hopes." Well too late bub.
And then the last time we takled on the phone he was like "You were the one you wanted to get back together again" in this really desperate voice that made me feel vunerable and violated and really pissed off at the same time. And now he probably thinks it doesnt matter. I know it really shouldnt. I broke up with him..but..and now this is what kills me...if we had still been together...would he have broken up with me for her? Just because I'm so outspoken and she isnt? I mean really other than the phyisical difference thats all I came up with..I am more independant and she's well..kinda shy goes with the flow..which is fine. I know she's a great girl and I know she's so lucky...I guess what I miss the most is him being my rock. Always being there whenever I needed someone to vent to or cry to...now all I have is God...which is a very good thing. But do you ever get that feeling that God's just like "Ive heard this over and over...get on with it already?" I feel like everyone feels that way which is probalby why im writing here now.
And Chels well...all she can talk about is Shadow(well not only him) which is great and I know she needs to...it just makes me think of his brother and then im back to square one. GAHH!
I really do hope things get better with them though, I feel like they could acctually have a real good chance at happiness, unlike me. I mean yeah they've both changed but its been for the better you know?And they're both sorry for what happend and I KNOW they both still have feelings for eachother because I have eyes. And I saw them the whole week of camp...him mostly checking her out and then acting like he didnt care and her doing the same thing...*sigh* and im not the only one either...I could name like 5 girls who saw it too. Wow I sound like a 6th grader...lol.
Ok well thats all I have to say about everything hope everyone is doing great and that the Lord blesses you in all you do.
~Mandi
And yes I know... From his friend and his cousin.
So basically she can be really pretty when she wants to be..you know if you like that perfect height, blonde hair, skinny look. Apparently he does...gahh I feel like the biggest idoit in the whole world!!..because they were probably together the whole week of camp and I made a COMPLETE fool of myself...because everyone was like "he still loves you." yeah those people couldnt be more wrong. He was so over me he had to tell me the FIRST NIGHT OF CAMP that he didnt want to give me any "false hopes." Well too late bub.
And then the last time we takled on the phone he was like "You were the one you wanted to get back together again" in this really desperate voice that made me feel vunerable and violated and really pissed off at the same time. And now he probably thinks it doesnt matter. I know it really shouldnt. I broke up with him..but..and now this is what kills me...if we had still been together...would he have broken up with me for her? Just because I'm so outspoken and she isnt? I mean really other than the phyisical difference thats all I came up with..I am more independant and she's well..kinda shy goes with the flow..which is fine. I know she's a great girl and I know she's so lucky...I guess what I miss the most is him being my rock. Always being there whenever I needed someone to vent to or cry to...now all I have is God...which is a very good thing. But do you ever get that feeling that God's just like "Ive heard this over and over...get on with it already?" I feel like everyone feels that way which is probalby why im writing here now.
And Chels well...all she can talk about is Shadow(well not only him) which is great and I know she needs to...it just makes me think of his brother and then im back to square one. GAHH!
I really do hope things get better with them though, I feel like they could acctually have a real good chance at happiness, unlike me. I mean yeah they've both changed but its been for the better you know?And they're both sorry for what happend and I KNOW they both still have feelings for eachother because I have eyes. And I saw them the whole week of camp...him mostly checking her out and then acting like he didnt care and her doing the same thing...*sigh* and im not the only one either...I could name like 5 girls who saw it too. Wow I sound like a 6th grader...lol.
Ok well thats all I have to say about everything hope everyone is doing great and that the Lord blesses you in all you do.
~Mandi
Daughtry- Over
Now that it's all said and done,I can't believe you were the oneTo build me up and tear me down,Like an old abandoned house.What you said when you leftJust left me cold and out of breath.I fell too far, was in way too deep.Guess I let you get the best of me.Well, I never saw it coming.I should've started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I'd doubt you,I'm better off without youMore than you, more than you know.I'm slowly getting closure.I guess it's really over.I'm finally getting better.And now I'm picking up the pieces.I'm spending all of these yearsPutting my heart back together.'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,I got over you.You took a hammer to these walls,Dragged the memories down the hall,Packed your bags and walked away.There was nothing I could say.And when you slammed the front door shut,A lot of others opened up,So did my eyes so I could seeThat you never were the best for me.Well, I never saw it coming.I should've started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I'd doubt you,I'm better off without youMore than you, more than you know.I'm slowly getting closure.I guess it's really over.I'm finally getting better.And now I'm picking up the pieces.I'm spending all of these yearsPutting my heart back together.'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,I got over you.Well, I never saw it coming.I should've started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I'd doubt you,I'm better off without youMore than you, more than you know.Well, I never saw it coming.I should've started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I'd doubt you,I'm better off without youMore than you, more than you know.I'm slowly getting closure.I guess it's really over.I'm finally getting better.And now I'm picking up the pieces.I'm spending all of these yearsPutting my heart back together.Well I'm putting my heart back together,'Cause I got over you.Well I got over you.I got over you.'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,I got over you.
Now that it's all said and done,I can't believe you were the oneTo build me up and tear me down,Like an old abandoned house.What you said when you leftJust left me cold and out of breath.I fell too far, was in way too deep.Guess I let you get the best of me.Well, I never saw it coming.I should've started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I'd doubt you,I'm better off without youMore than you, more than you know.I'm slowly getting closure.I guess it's really over.I'm finally getting better.And now I'm picking up the pieces.I'm spending all of these yearsPutting my heart back together.'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,I got over you.You took a hammer to these walls,Dragged the memories down the hall,Packed your bags and walked away.There was nothing I could say.And when you slammed the front door shut,A lot of others opened up,So did my eyes so I could seeThat you never were the best for me.Well, I never saw it coming.I should've started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I'd doubt you,I'm better off without youMore than you, more than you know.I'm slowly getting closure.I guess it's really over.I'm finally getting better.And now I'm picking up the pieces.I'm spending all of these yearsPutting my heart back together.'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,I got over you.Well, I never saw it coming.I should've started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I'd doubt you,I'm better off without youMore than you, more than you know.Well, I never saw it coming.I should've started runningA long, long time ago.And I never thought I'd doubt you,I'm better off without youMore than you, more than you know.I'm slowly getting closure.I guess it's really over.I'm finally getting better.And now I'm picking up the pieces.I'm spending all of these yearsPutting my heart back together.Well I'm putting my heart back together,'Cause I got over you.Well I got over you.I got over you.'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,I got over you.
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