I mean I know he sees me, I am a very visable person, but what the heck? he cant wait like 5 min to talk to me or give me a hug.?And you know when someone says "hey stranger." your supposed to talk to them and try to ask them how they're doing...OMG he didnt even ask how I was...
Ok now I feel worse. How can the next guy I like end up thinking I am invisible and not worth caring about..CRAP.
He's such a hypocrite... "I will love you if you let me." PAH HA. Stupid facebook...never reliable. Why am I doing this to myself. I know we wont ever be anything, but that just seems to make me want to cry. WHY ME? is this punishment for breaking someone elses heart??
At least I know there is one thing I can count on, God's love. I think I would be a absolute reck with out him with me, helping me let go.
Man this totally wamps.
Its like I gave myself all these false hopes and clung on to anything and everything I could just to convince myself he was just trying not to lose his job, or ruin his rep, but now I just think he doesnt like me at all- just because I dont have the finer things in life. Guess he never stoped to think I have gone to hell and back, or the fact that I've survived it all and come through a better christian and person for it- but does he care to ask? No. He doesnt because all he cares about is playing video games and spending all his money on music and food- wow, that's so great and admirable- hey mr. christ like person- I know God would never smug me, so stop acting like I dont exsist!
GAHH WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?
It's not like I'm hideous. Granted I know I could lose a few pounds and I am, it just takes time dang it. Shesh excuse me if I'm not miss Anna who is ike a size 2. Gah. All girls named Anna just rub me the wrong way now- Thanks man thanks. And uh if you want a girlfriend so bad stop looking so damn hard, I AM RIGHT HERE HELLO! Just because I'm younger doesnt mean I'm naive- I'm just as mature as any of the girls ive met that you've liked. I mean Anna- total ditz, sure she's beautiful and a christian but...what am I saying I dont even know her- she's probably awesome. I HATE THIS.
And I cant even talk to chels about this because she's always gone and so am I.
whatever-giving it all to God and hopeing that the Canada trip goes better than today. 8 hours in a van with him....I pod her I come.
~Manda
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