Another Journal Entry

Well that last entry is pretty old news so...all I'm going to say about it is that I would really rather not remember that day. At all. I'm sure anyone can agree with me on that one.
Anyways, now it's December which means Finals!...ugh. Can't even express to you how much I hate Psychology right now. And the fact of the matter is I would probably do really well on the test tomorrow if I felt like I wasnt going to kill over from sleep deprivation. I swear Lexi just doesnt understand that not all of us can sleep in all day every day. She may be ok with sleeping her days away but..some of us have responsiblities and lives we have to get to. Just saying. Not to mention I can't leave until Friday. Which really wamps cause I could be gone by wed. but since I don't have a car, and since I have to sing for a Graduation ceremony- and since I want to stay a memeber of Chorale, I'm have to wait till Friday to go home. Great.
*sigh*
And this whole love thing is really not helping my life right now. Don't know why all of a sudden I care, but I do. I mean I can't stand the fact that I'm going home for the holidays..and when we sit down for dinner at christmas I will be the one all alone- AGAIN. I just wish I knew when it was going to be my turn. Not that I'm ready- I'm not. I know having a relationship right now would probably do me more harm then good but...doesnt keep me from wanting something that seems so amazing and effortless. I mean I know what it feels like to love- I was worried that I didnt but I do. I know what it feels like to be loved by Christ. To have my life laid before me with God and to know he will always be there. Maybe that's my issue though. Maybe Blake is right and my standards are to high. But I think if God chose a man for me, he'll have all the things that I need and want. He'll be perfect for me in ways I've never even dreamed and you know how I know this? Not because I'm a hopeless romantic, or because I've been dreaming of it forever. But because God chose it for me. Everything that comes from him is good and perfect- and isn't that the very definition of love to begin with?
Alright well seeing as I've neglected my studies for a good 30 min now..I think I should go start studying.
Go go finals!...ha ha ha ha haa....

~Mandi